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Bismillāh.
وَلَا تَسْتَوِي الْحَسَنَةُ وَلَا السَّيِّئَةُ ۚ ادْفَعْ بِالَّتِي هِيَ أَحْسَنُ فَإِذَا الَّذِي بَيْنَكَ وَبَيْنَهُ عَدَاوَةٌ كَأَنَّهُ وَلِيٌّ حَمِيمٌ
Good and evil [conduct] are not equal. Repel [evil] with what is best. [If you do so,] he between whom and you was enmity, will then be as though he were a sympathetic friend.
(Sūrat Fussilat No. 41, Āyat 34)
Islam trains believers to embody the virtue of tolerance. While similar to forgiveness, tolerance is distinct. Forgiveness is a response to a wrong that was done, whereas tolerance is patiently enduring a fault in someone’s character.
The importance of this trait is beautifully illustrated in a narration about Prophet Sulaymān ‘alayhis-salām. He once heard a bird say to a hoopoe, “I have never seen anything better than your friendship with the kites and hawks, even though they are your enemies.” The hoopoe replied, “My brother, he who shows tolerance well, his life will be pleasant.” Upon hearing this, Sulaymān (a) said, “By Allah, the hoopoe has spoken the truth.”
In our personal and family relationships, tolerance should be our default approach. As the story of Prophet Sulaymān (a) shows, tolerance is key to a pleasant life. What’s the alternative? We could choose to be stressed and angry, say things we later regret, and hurt those we love. Clearly, a lack of tolerance leads to both worldly and spiritual problems, as anger is a gateway to many sins.
As believers, we should strive to exhibit good character for the sake of Allah ‘azza wajall, regardless of how others respond. It is a profound reality that taking the moral high ground can often reform the other person. This is what Allah subhānahu wataʿālā says in the above verse of the Noble Qur’an, that showing good conduct in the face of evil can cause an enemy to become a close friend!
This is the transformative power of good character. It is narrated that when asked about who taught ethics (akhlāq) in the Hawzah of Qom during his youth, Imam Khomeini replied that there were no specific classes. Instead, the teachers were living examples of piety, and that was sufficient in inspiring the young students to reform themselves.
We pray that Allah (swt) blesses us with the ability to manifest good character in our lives. We ask Him to help us control ourselves and our tongues so that we do not hurt those close to us and that our relationships may be a means of obedience and piety.
Source: ‘Allāmah Tabātabā’ī, Tafsīr al-Mīzān